Day #4 of sobriety
Today was a rough one. From the moment I woke up, I began thinking about drinking - Make that getting drunk. I was on edge all day, impatient with things such as lines at the store, red lights, etc...I knew it was going to be a rough day.
By about 5pm or so, I was simply convinced I was going to drink, and drink heavily. The desire was simply too overwhelming. I'd figure I'd start with some beer, then switch to vodka and watch movies all night until I passed out, like I had done so many times before. The whole sobriety thing went out the window. I just didn't care.
I hopped in my car and debated what to do. Go the the liquor store, or go to AA? I drove around for a few minutes and figured I'd go to AA, and then if I had to drink after that, I simply would go to the liquor store, get what I needed for the night, and get drunk by myself. A fair compromise.
So I went to AA and as soon as I was there, I did not want to be there. We started going around the room introducing ourselves and I could not sit still. I was like "WTF, nobody cares who we are, its Saturday fucking night and we are sitting in some empty classroom". I just wanted the meeting to get on and over with. It took all my willpower to get through the first 10 minutes of the meeting...
So the meeting started and I slowly calmed down and listened to the group. We talked about being grateful for our sobriety. Like always, I heard stories of how people hit bottom, and how they fought their way to sobriety. Some people had one day sober, some ten years. Some people were there in their teens, some in their 70s. It was good therapy, listening and discussing. The last 15 minutes of the meeting, I knew I would not drink this night.
So the meeting came and went, I hopped in my car and the desire to drink had fully ceased for the day. I don't have any anecdote tonight....no higher power story....no story of how I sat outside the liquor store for an hour and fought the temptation off and drove home.
Nope. All I did was think about getting drunk all day, went to a meeting, and came home sober. It's that simple. Or it was that difficult. I don't know.
I do know this: I didn't drink today, and for that I am grateful.
By about 5pm or so, I was simply convinced I was going to drink, and drink heavily. The desire was simply too overwhelming. I'd figure I'd start with some beer, then switch to vodka and watch movies all night until I passed out, like I had done so many times before. The whole sobriety thing went out the window. I just didn't care.
I hopped in my car and debated what to do. Go the the liquor store, or go to AA? I drove around for a few minutes and figured I'd go to AA, and then if I had to drink after that, I simply would go to the liquor store, get what I needed for the night, and get drunk by myself. A fair compromise.
So I went to AA and as soon as I was there, I did not want to be there. We started going around the room introducing ourselves and I could not sit still. I was like "WTF, nobody cares who we are, its Saturday fucking night and we are sitting in some empty classroom". I just wanted the meeting to get on and over with. It took all my willpower to get through the first 10 minutes of the meeting...
So the meeting started and I slowly calmed down and listened to the group. We talked about being grateful for our sobriety. Like always, I heard stories of how people hit bottom, and how they fought their way to sobriety. Some people had one day sober, some ten years. Some people were there in their teens, some in their 70s. It was good therapy, listening and discussing. The last 15 minutes of the meeting, I knew I would not drink this night.
So the meeting came and went, I hopped in my car and the desire to drink had fully ceased for the day. I don't have any anecdote tonight....no higher power story....no story of how I sat outside the liquor store for an hour and fought the temptation off and drove home.
Nope. All I did was think about getting drunk all day, went to a meeting, and came home sober. It's that simple. Or it was that difficult. I don't know.
I do know this: I didn't drink today, and for that I am grateful.
posted by Kendall at 7:48 PM
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